The Furry Cup

Fucking Bitch Twat

2006-05-26T09:53:00.000-07:00

Woooo Hoooo been a while since I posted YET again. This time I will try to regularly update.

Jennifer Mortimer..........Any reader know of anyone called that? I really do hope so, I will shortly have a picture of the fucking twat, so you can all simultaniously vomit. I am trying to find her because she did me out of alot of money when I helped her because of her very sick child, basically I 'sold' her my car so she could transport her lovely, but unfortuneatly very ill child to and from hospital, give her days out etc etc. I never saw the money for the car.

Loosing the money wouldn't have bothered me if it gave her kid a better life, after all that is priceless, but she chose to not only give me excuses for not paying up (which I excepted....single struggling mother and all that), but when I last visited her she had kitted out her house with new stuff including a PC. When I challenged her on this I had a fucking moron of a so called boyfriend threaten me (I was restrained from sorting the situation with him). So to cut a long story short, if any reader knows of a Jennifer Mortimer let me know, she was last known to be living in North Wales near Bangor, she originates from Peterbourgh, and may now be in the Liverpool area. I'd love to see her again.

Bargain corner

2006-04-20T17:46:00.000-07:00

Most readers of my site will know my battles with ebay and there rediculous terms and conditions that seem to get me banned all the time but above is something I got for a measily £8.99 (postage £11.99 + insurance), I thought it was a con, but no, the player arrived and its fucking fantastic! Heres the URL to the auction http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=9703655833 go get yourself a bargain boys and girls. This stuff is mega cheap and fully works. I'd have easily paid £150 for this. The quality isn't quite 'Sony' level but for the price who fucking cares.

In The Name of Charity

2006-04-19T05:50:00.000-07:00

Above is the picture of someone I think is a star. This geezer is running an auction on ebay for charity to have ANYTHING tattoo'ed on him for the unprincely sum off whatever (starting bid is £100), his only condition is he picks where he has the tattoo (which I think is fair). I just wish I had the cash to help him and ultimatly give him a shit tattoo for an excellent cause! If any of my avid readers can help this bloke heres the link http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/TATTOO-ME-YOUR-NAME-OR-SLOGON-ON-ME-CHARITY-AUCTION_W0QQitemZ9509217045QQcategoryZ88433QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem
Take a look and bid you fuckers!

Bird Flu

2006-04-10T05:11:00.000-07:00

2006-04-06T03:07:00.000-07:00

Found some weird and wonderful pics for your sick enjoyment.

A Long Time

2006-04-06T02:59:00.000-07:00

Well dear reader....been a while hasn't it? Many apologies for no regular posts but with work, the missus and just general life I've been finding it hard to find some quality time to myself to find inspiration for my posts. Well now work etc. is all in order I can get back to 'fun' times and start regualarly blogging again....As I say apologies for the lack of posts but I'd rather not post than post pure and utter boring/pointless/thoughtless etc.etc. bollox. Glad to have me back?

2006-03-18T16:26:00.000-08:00

Blogger is been a pain in the arse hence no posts recently. I'm still alive and working hard! I'll try posting properly tomorrow.

Help us please..........

2006-03-07T13:49:00.000-08:00

I have a good mate and I want you all to help him...He's no charity case, I want to help him cos he's a real mate. Basically some greedy cunt has the domain address he wants and the greedy cunt wants stupid money for a co.uk domain(i.e thousands). His name is Chris Holland from a company called UK3.com. And I can't hide who my mate is really, cos you need to know the dom he wants to annoy this chris, yes its me old mucker, www.skytower.me.uk , and this Chris tit has the .co.uk domain. (so were after www.skytower.co.uk) for thick people like farmerdave.

Email him at Sales@UK3.com and join the online petition to tell him he's a greedy cunt (His name is Chris Holland remember).

Lets stamp out cyber greed....

God how I love Photoshop

2006-02-28T04:29:00.000-08:00

Pussy

2006-02-20T05:28:00.000-08:00

This post is dedicated to Barnze, a cat hater who is also a punk. See mate, us punkers are everywhere. Bet you wouldn't chuck a brick at this feline. But really can't stop thinking this cat would make a good Sunday roast, look at the meat on it.

Political Correctness

2006-02-19T14:48:00.000-08:00

The logo above is from an American site that sucks...fucking boring shit if I have to be honest, but thats probably because I'm English and I'm not that knowledgable on American politics, But what a fucking fantastic concept.

So, I am going to set up a UK version of the Anti-PC League, whether I can affiliate with the U.S. version I dont know but fucking hell, I am well pissed off that people with ideas and beliefs that can express them and happily can't accept other people challenging them. If you have a 'radical' belief, why the fuck can't you express it? and equally if you have that belief, can you back it up with facts?

After all the internet truely is the last bastion of freedom of speech.

I tell some fucking rude cunt to turn there MP3's off from loud speaker on a bus, I do it because the noise pisses me off, not the fact there black, arrogant cunts playing shit music, (but they always are), and I get accused of been racsist! I'd say the same who ever they are.

Most people who know me know I'm epileptic and the amount of red faces I see when the word 'spastic' slips from peoples mouths when I do something stupid is phenominal, if I got upset by it I'd have killed myself by now, and the amount of scowls I see at the person who said it really pisses me off...people are just too fucking sensitive these days...enjoy what, who and where you are, whether your a nigger spastic in the Blue Oyster club or a Muslim prostitute ugly cunt in the BNP's office......

SAY IT LOUD, SAY IT PROUD. And don't for fucks sake get offended at other peoples response....thats the beauty of freedom of speech, we don't all agree. If you disagree with someones views, tell them, but make sure you know your facts.

Word of the Day

2006-02-18T15:25:00.000-08:00

hmmmm

2006-02-17T16:05:00.000-08:00

Well here I am in my uniform, looking less 'YMCA' than the other photo so hence I've posted it. Sorry its been quiet around here but this week has been tough with late finishes. Normal service will resume from Monday.

I'm not a queer

2006-02-08T08:02:00.000-08:00

Well for the less avid reader of my blog, I have a new job as a security guard, which I start tomorrow. I was going to post a picture of myself in my uniform but I really do look like a member of The Village People so fuck that. God help any cunt that sings YMCA to me while I'm on patrol. I will spill blood.

Religious Madness part 2

2006-02-07T03:43:00.000-08:00

Above is the picture of Omar Khayam, a Muslim drug dealer from Bedford, UK, who took part in the protests in London to comdemn the publication of the cartoons depicting Mohammed. He 'hilariously' dressed himself as a suicide bomber, marching next to fellow Muslims carrying banners saying 'behead those who insult Islam' and 'bomb Denmark'. Hmmm, as a convicted Heroin dealer hasn't Mr Khayam insulted Islam already?

Well thank fuck the British government and police have finally seen sense and are now in the process of arresting these bigots. As I said in my last post I have many Muslim friends of which NONE follow Islam to the letter, everyone atleast does one thing 'not allowed' by Allah, whether it be smoking (various substances), drinking alcohol, looking at pornography or swearing.

Islam is full of hypocrits, bigots and liars, a strong statement I know, but I am not going to single out one religion here (i.e. Islam), ALL religions are the same, and if I was to be proven wrong by any religion (which I am open minded too), I can virtually guarentee I have never heard of there God worshipping movement. If you are reading this and can honestly and truthfully tell me as a religious person that you abide by all your 'rules', then not only will I be amazed but I will have the total and upmost respect for you.

I will finally add that my knowledge of various religions is poor, but I can build my thoughts on what I see, hear and read and my conclusion is, I am glad I am not mixed up in all the shit religion throws up in this world. Catholisism is possibly the most transparent religions of the lot and alot of my family are Catholic. Yeah, go out and steal from another, but hey its ok, after all you have confession and magically your forgiven. Fucking Bollocks.

OK Muslim fanatics....now I will say my piece

2006-02-05T11:24:00.000-08:00

You hypocritical, narrow minded bunch of cunts. Don't you twats have any sense of humour? First off I'd like to point out that boycotting Danish goods is a little futile when Denmarks main export is bacon, a by-product of a pig which you dont eat anyway, you petty fucking wankers.

So, if I was to use your Muslim way of logic, does that mean I can burn your houses, kill your fellow kind and use threatening language to scare other Muslims witless just because I got a beating on a UK street by one of your sort? (and yes they were pissed up to the eyeballs, smoking cannabis....sure Mohammed was against all that too).

I AM NOT RACIST, but fucking hell I am growing to hate Muslims as a race, nothing to do with colour or religion, just the general fucking attitude of them. What the fuck make you cunts the judge and jury of human life because thats what the small (but vocal) minority seem to allowed to do, dragging all decent living Muslims into the same shitty pit. For every Danish/Swedish/Noewiegen embassy raised to the ground lets do it back...I sure know which side will win out, but are we (as the western world) low enough to resort to such cowardly acts? I was never in agreement to most of the middle eastern wars but now I am changing my thoughts. Fuck the oil, we could take it regardless, but no, we try and beat out a deal.

You fanatic Muslims are seriously fucking up your lovely people. I live in a predominately Muslim area in the UK and I have many Muslim friends that wouldn't even spit on most of there own if they were on fire, let alone piss on them. Myself, I'll chuck the petrol on.

Freedom of speech seems to suit most Muslims when they want to advocate it, the moment the western world does, these bigots seem to think they have the right to cause fear and anguish to others.

May Mohammed, Allah strike me down...but I am growing to hate all Muslims that don't prove to me who they are.

ITS A GIIIIIIRL!!!!!!!!

2006-02-03T13:19:00.000-08:00

I am extremely fucking over the moon at knowing my little blob is not only perfect but doing well. Its was the 20 week scan today and we now know its a beautiful baby girl which were going to name Frankie (francesca). The pic aint too clear on here I know because we took it on the mobile phone camera, can't do it on my scanner because its spasticated but sure you can work out Frankies little face. Finally we have a confirmed date of birth too which is 29th of June, so its going to be a world cup baby, and ooooh yeah, she has little England booties (pic above), just got to get the England baby-gro and hat now.

One thing I cant get off my mind in all this is how do I buy a scalextric for myself, erm I mean Frankie, because after all there quite boyish. Well heres my plan......glue Winnie the Pooh to the roofs of the cars...ta daaaaah a girl scalextric set. Fuck knows how I'm going to disguise the football or boxing gloves, paint flowers on them?

Spam

2006-02-01T04:45:00.000-08:00

Spam, I FUCKING HATE it. Not the edible variety, although the cat food gets eaten before the Spam is dusted off and dragged from the back of the cupboard. I can even cope with email spam, after all it isn't hard to use a spam filter. The spam I hate is what is shoved through my letter box EVERY fucking day, pizza menu's, taxi business cards, clearance autions at some social scum housing hotel, leaflets for Mustafah Ali Akhmed Zoopinazi - sexual healer, purple loans, ocean finance, picture loans, lombard direct, freedom finance, 'do you want to sell your house' shit, mobile phone offers, free ipods, 'sexy charlotte on 0906 'blowjob', kwik save buy one get one free offers, sommerfield, asda, tesco, waitrose (nearest one is 15 miles away), council bollox on where my taxes are spent, government grants for loft insullation, double glazing, variously badly printed local business's gobshite, car finance, home insurance, some fucking company trying to sell me more crap to me after I made the mistake of ordering 1 item off there website, etc. etc.

Now I'm not that fucked about the enviroment, after all I'll be long dead when this rock goes Kabooooom, but Jesus H Christ, I get enough paper based bollocks through my letterbox in a week to kill off half of Scandinavia's forests....and do I get a chance to recycle all this shit? NO, instead I can read from the afore mentioned council crap, that my taxes are spent on pretty floral displays on the boroughs 324 traffic round-abouts or what they are providing for the area's walking dead, mainly heating grants and bus passes. Have I lost the plot or is something not right here? I mean, what the fuck do old people need bus passes for? The rancid old cunts moan if the have to go 3 doors down. As for there heating, I'm sure all the spam shite I get through my door is enough to heat about 5 homes.

Still atleast those taxi cards make a good roach.

Kelloggs

2006-01-26T12:38:00.000-08:00

Oh what fucking genious's Kelloggs are. 'Drop a jean size in two weeks' they say. And how is this amazing feat done I hear all my female readers scream out at there moniters....wait for it.......keep waiting........can you contain your wonderment? How do you do it?
Eat a bowl of cerial for breakfast and one for lunch, Well twatting blow me down and call me Marjory, eating less over two meals, how ever did the boffins at Kelloggs work that one out?
Wonder if a bank is thinking of 'Save £1000 in one year', all you need to do is don't spend £19.23 a week and put it in your bank account instead. See......I can be genious too.

The Wall Climbing is Over

2006-01-22T05:37:00.000-08:00

Did you think you got rid of me? Cause you haven't....Yours truely is still here and ready to post daily again. So where have I been I clearly hear you not thinking, so just for your ignorance I shall tell you.....

Well after been teleported from my living room to Outta Zvorka via the M25LOL micro-vecular Highway by an unknown alien race I stoppe......ok, ok so I'm lying, it was the M6LMAO Highway. But anyway I got home.

So Monday 9th I started a rather erm, gigantic step in my life. Everyone that does actually know me knows I have always liked a 'tipple' (or 10). So I started an alcohol detoxification course, (rehab to my American chums, not just some lame pill you crazy 'dudes' buy off a shelf). The course was in preparation for a few months so it wasn't exactly something I woke up one morning and decided to do. Well its now 14 days after the first day of the detox, (detox course was 8 days of it), and I still haven't had a drop of booze, and I'm feeling pretty damn good, not half as bad as I thought the whole thing would be. Must admit though I miss been off my tits on the sedatives I had during the detox. Anyway onto more bollox and pure drivel............

Neither Stella nor the Ramblers Association have replied to my emails so it looks like I need to perfect my emailing skills a tad. The cunts at Yahoo are firmly on my hit list, they're definately stupid enough to fall for some bollox I can dream up, so watch this space.

As for thefurrycup.com, I haven't done shit with it, naughty I know but hey, I can be a lazy twat occasionally (shut it).

Lastly and maybe most importantly, I start a new job tomorrow....yes dear reader you read correctly, A JOB. After enjoying doing fuck all for 14 months, well except boozing and smoking my social money in 2 days flat, the bank manager and mortgage company are been bullies. The cunts are wanting money off me, don't get me wrong I tried to put them straight on the normal needs of a bored alcoholic, like a broadband internet connection, white cider, pot noodles and a healthy knife collection but it just fell on deaf ears. So here I am about to earn my living again as a 'Retail Security Guard', ooooooooh yes, smacking the fuck out of bag-head shoplifters and been paid for it.........what a result. Got 4 days training so hopefully that entails drinking lots of tea, eating lots of biscuits, playing at been Starsky and Hutch and screaming '10-4, 10-4, in the margerine aisle' down a walkie-talkie. Never know.

Well fucking boring post I know but thought I'd better let you all furry cup fans know where I've been and what I've been upto. Traaaa a bit.

BIG News

2006-01-05T15:41:00.000-08:00

First off no banner....can't be fucked, second no replies to the emails I sent. Third and most importantly I am making a new site....this blog will slowly die off, but you will have plenty of warning. I am now the proud owner of www.thefurrycup.com and I feel this is the time to really explore my potential. Web wise and pillock wise. If I'm quiet here you know I'm building the site...I have a very important week starting the 9th of Jan, but this will give me time to build the new site, not perfect it, so no moaning you bitches! I'm using an easy website builder so there will be ads...live with them mother-fuckers till I sort more shit out. www.thefurrycup.com will be worth a visit....I assure you.

Ramblers

2005-12-28T05:36:00.000-08:00

Todays pointless email was awarded to www.ramblers.org.uk , the UK's favourite walking related website (I think). It goes like this.....

Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing to you with an Idea that may revolutionise your activity. I love walking and often enjoy a 'ramble', often walking upto 3000 steps (my free McDonalds step counter has proved invaluable).What I don't like is walking where there nothing to do. So my idea is why not link up with Shipleys (the amusement giants), and open up some slot machine establishments on place like the yorkshire moors or Ben Nevis? I know for a fact that would make me 'ramble' up it and my friends agree. My idea doesn't stop there either, if you linked with the royal mint you could have pound coins that depicted the place you won the jackpot from. Obviously the profits would go to your association and you can continue your excellent work.
I look forward to your reply.

Yours sincerely,

Dave

Stella Artios

2005-12-27T06:36:00.000-08:00

As promise, I started annoying people with absurd, piontless emails. Stella Artios was first on my list. Heres my email to them.

Dear Mr Stella,

I have a fantastic Idea I think will make you millions, flavoured lager. Like Coca Cola have modernised the basic product, why not introduce something like Kumquat Stella? or Curried Stella? (will save money to the average curry eater and more profit for you). I am a great fan of your product and would love to help such a wonderful company (I am seeking employment as well as been an idea genious, if you have local vacancies that is). I very much look forward to your response. And just to cover myself I have patented the afore mentioned ideas.

Your sincerely Dave

***UPDATE*** 28/12/05 - No response from Stella Artios.

Book review 2

2005-12-27T05:41:00.000-08:00

Well as promised, I'll review the other book I got for Christmas.....

The timewaster letters - Robin Cooper

I took one look at the cover of this book to see Ricky Gervais's comment, 'Coopers letters are absurd, pointless, and very, very funny', a comment like that from such a comic genius, I knew I was in for a treat. Basically Robin Cooper writes to authorities, societies and business's with pure and utter bollocks and waits for a reply. The outcomes are pure hilarity. I cant comment more than this because this book is an absolute must have, end of story. the book has been reviewed by many and the sum it up perfectly. Heres other reviews.......

'Probably the funniest book you'll read this year' - The Guardian

'This is the funniest book I have ever read' - Matt Lucas (Little Britain)

'A genuine funny book' - The Independant

Check this out a must have on any book shelf........Oh and I have gained inspiration from this...emails and responses will follow.

Banner

2005-12-26T03:42:00.000-08:00

Just a quicky to introduce my new Banner...get used to it groovy people. I can't take credit for doing it cos its 10 times better than I could do.....so a big shout to my great mate Davey...cheers mate.

Book review

2005-12-25T13:05:00.000-08:00

Been a while to post I know and apologise...mad few weeks with Christmas and other stuff...but what a day to post again......Happy Christmas avid readers.
Well I got (amongst other things) 2 books in my Christmas stocking, and they're so fukin good I thought I'd review them and entice you to check them out for yourself.

Banksy-Wall and Pieces.

Banksy is a UK street artist (graffiti artist). Wall and Pieces is a 'catalogue' of some of his latest work. To summorise it simply, the bloke is a fukin genious. His artwork is often humourous, often thought provoking, but alway exceptionally talented. If you live in London, no doubt you will have seen his work, maybe not knowing who was responsible. I am an artist by trade, and I believe I have more right to pass comment on other peoples art than most and generally I find modern art pure and utter shit. This is pure talent, and who says what makes a 'canvas'? Banksy uses any canvas he wants and although its classed as 'Graffiti', I think all that appreciate art, will agree when I term it 'street art'. Funny, thought proking, and an emense visual feast. Keep up the good work Banksy. Well worth a flick through at the book shop, even if you cant afford the slightly high price of £20. Some of his art is on the net here, Banksy, not all his best stuff, but well worth an look.

I'll review the second book tomorrow. Have fun this lovely day, dont eat too much and watch the booze intake!

A Serious Moment

2005-12-12T10:19:00.000-08:00

picture courtesy off the www.bbc.co.uk
Above is the pictue of Jacob Wragg, a terminally ill child who suffered from a terrible condition called Hunters disease. Jacob could not of survived it, no child can. His Father took the descision to put the poor mite out of his misery...Andrew (his Father) was an SAS soldier, someone who has so much bravery I feel humbled to see him on my TV,(let alone meet the bloke). He was called out to protect/fight/whatever for Iraqi civilians, dragged from his sick child and had to miss the poor childs demise in health. Mr Wragg was on duty for a year, a year that I think ANY father would hate to be away from there child, let alone a child with such a horrible illness. He came home to what I can understand was a shell of a child, He took the descision to help his child and put Jacob out of his termoil. He smothered his loved child with a pillow till he passed away....Mr Wragg was cleared of murder, and thank god the British justice system is the way it is. Rest in peace Jacob, My Parents love me too. Your Dad is a very special man.

Cunts

2005-12-09T12:05:00.000-08:00

GMAC (General Motor Company) are my mortgage provider, CUNTS, they took me to court today for arrears, arrears I totally accept....I cant deny that. And never could. Its a fact.
But what the bastards did was take me to court AFTER I agree'd a payment order that they agreed too. The Judge was a little pissed off they had wasted his time as I'm sure you can imagine. They want to add a measerly £150 to my arrears...well you cunts, see you in court you bunch of wankers, you petty bunch of retarded fucktards, I know what I owe you but over my dead body will I pay court costs, the arrears I owe...I aint fucking stupid. You total bunch of pen pushing shit-heads. Your company is in financial difficulties like most people in this world are, hope you go bust you heartless wankers. Your cars are shite, your mortgages are expensive and anything else you do must suck cock too. You gutless cunts couldn't even turn up to court, I fucking did...to many pens stuffed up yer arseholes?
You utter utter wankers, hope your next on Al Queda's hit list you sorry bunch of suited, booted brainless TWATS. I look forward to the court case.

Kids eh?

2005-12-08T11:50:00.000-08:00

The Vietnamese don't usually celebrate Christmas.......but this year there hanging glitter.

I Wan't To Puke

2005-12-07T06:19:00.000-08:00

I generally don't go mad with rage at all and especially not when it come to expressions in the form of Art, but most modern Art is total shit...And yes I can comment because I am a professional artist myself (that works hard to earn my living...no poncy twat looking at a pile of shit, chewing his/her pencil and going 'ummmmmmmm'). It fukin enrages me to see this cunt, Simon Starling, he won alot of money for doing what some poor cunt in the 3rd world does to stay alive. Mr Starling, I hope you read this and have a valid comment for your blatant piss take of 'Art' and people that would love to have something you find 'artistic' as a home. You and the ponces that decide what art is are fukin cretins. Simon Starling was the £25,000 winner of the Turner prize(UK art 'award') with a piece called 'shedboatshed', what that transpires to as 'art' is the bloke brought a shed, pulled it apart and made a boat from it and sailed it down the Rhine, came home and built it back as a shed.
I have gained inspiration from this.....with my soon to be created 'eatshiteat' masterpiece, hey, it even stands for recycling.....who said I wasn't an artistic genious?

2005-12-06T14:23:00.000-08:00

Heres my BLOB.....my baby, my one love, look at the chilled out fukka lying back with its hands behind its head.....even looks like the bugga has a spliff in its gob.....I went with the ex for the scan today...and yes I cried, was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, sure you women can see the image, I'll allow you blokes to wonder what an ovary is......I'm fukin made up.....so much so I can't describe.....and.....Thank you Jacky and Den for today....was a lovely day that you didn't have to give me. Thanks.

This Would Happen at Asda

2005-11-29T06:09:00.000-08:00

I read a story that made me chuckle. Mrs Margaret Cooper of Newcastle wrote to her local Tesco store to complain after her favourite brand of cooking chocolate was removed from the shelves. This wasn't an unusual practise for Mrs Cooper as she had already contacted the Store on numerous occasions, including when she felt the stores croissants were too big and when her favourite brand of low-fat Ice cream was also removed from sale.
Here was her reply, on headed paper I may add.

"Dear Mrs Cooper,
We have come to the conclusion you have astonishingly bad taste in Chocolate and Tesco is not prepared to accomodate the less sophisticated market. We suggest you try Sainsbury's as their food is especially bland and may satisfy your plain palette.
If you insist upon complaining, we sincerely hope you take you custom elsewhere."

Classic. Didn't realise my charm school teacher had moved career, good on you Mr Price you fat, bald, ugly, rancid breathed cunt.

Besty

2005-11-25T13:03:00.000-08:00

George Best has died, a legendary footballer who was selfish enough to kill himself, hope the Liver donors family sues and gets his estate.

***UPDATE***
Well the first day after the selfish cunts death had to be a Saturday didn't it. The TV screen is full of people praising his footballing talent, and quite rightly, he was a superb player. But underlining his emense talent was his selfish dis-regard for life, he took another humans body part just to prolong his cronic alcohol problem. Some poor bastard died and allowed Mr Best to abuse his body further. My condolances go out to the donors family, if your family member gave that cunt a new life I'm sure other parts were given to people who really appreciated them.

Britblog

2005-11-25T12:13:00.000-08:00

Just a quickie, www.britblog.com, who list me and most blogs I associate with are wanting more members. So if your a blogger who isn't already listed with them, what the fuk you playing at? its free to join. If you haven't got a blog, check the site out anyway as they have over 3 thousand blogs listed.

Move Aside Kate Moss

2005-11-23T21:03:00.000-08:00

As Kate Moss has fuked up her career I am now here to fill her shoes. Oh yes dear reader, I have now branched out to become a professional model, it true I swear. I even think the tutor doing the NVQ in gentleman groomage felt sorry for me as I was loaded into the ambulance clutching my ear wrapped in a 1lb bag of Aldi frozen peas. The ear incident atleast took my mind off the fact my hair looked somewhere between Pee Wee Herman and Phil Mitchell. Well thats what they described it as at the hospital as I couldn't see it due to amonia peroxide burning my eyes. The lady I modelled for has just called telling me next weeks lesson is on how to use a razor blade to tidy up after a haircut, I would tell her I was washing my hair except for one problem previously mentioned. Well the good news is I earnt £4.50 for been a model so that makes me professional, I'm trying to scratch the other 50p together to get my head shaved, I have been lucky...there was a 20 pence piece under the sofa. It is an Isle of Jersey one but I'm hoping a real barber wont notice. I'll let you know......sure Prada have a few jobs lying about.

Dyson

2005-11-22T21:34:00.000-08:00

Bless my Mum she called in earlier today and brought her Dyson vacuum cleaner, fuk me that thing sucks harder than a Vietnamese prostitute needing a crack fix. Pity the on/off button is too far from the end of the hose, otherwise I'd be off for another 2 weeks. The cylinder bit must hold atleast 3 gallons.

Normal Service Resumes

2005-11-21T13:06:00.000-08:00

Right then, I'm back and all ready to post daily again! Sorry to all my blog mates that have linked me and had to endure a 'dead' site for the last fortnight but I hope all you blog masters understand that having your house ransacked isn't really the most convienient event in life. Good news is I know who it was and he's taken number one spot on my knee-capping list, and that isn't an idle threat if he reads this, your card is firmly marked my boy. But anyway, last nights dinner is repeating on me, was a Chicken Tarka, same as a Tikka, just a little otter. Traaaa for now.

A Massive apology and other bad stuff

2005-11-16T13:01:00.000-08:00

Well I am still about but before I add to where I have been, I must send out the Biggest apology I have ever, ever had to make. This apology goes out to my good friends Si and Kirsty (Si as in Skytower), as due to personal reasons I missed there engagement party last Sunday, there has been some pretty horrible illness in the household and in took quite a turn for the worse as I was due to leave for the party(wasn't me who was ill). I will catch up with you Si VERY soon.

Secondly I returned from the hospital to find I had been burgaled, pretty much everything has gone, so I have no PC, mobile, PS2, HiFi etc etc. I'm just quickly on the olds PC (yes...its dial up!) mainly to apologise to Si and Kirsty but also to let you all know I'm still alive. I dare say I'll pop into an internet cafe from tim

Zoo

2005-11-06T12:07:00.000-08:00

A Bloke walks into a Zoo.

Was a terrible Zoo, only one animal.....A Dog.

It was a Shitzhu.

Asda

2005-11-02T11:14:00.000-08:00

ITS OPEN!! Oh yes, Asda is finally open and fuk me its amazing, I feel very old saying this shit but compared to Abduls insect infested quicky mart that we've had to endure for the last year, its like Buckingham Palace. Our first outting had us leaving with 2 chock full carrier bags all for £6.63!!! 17 items that included, Minced Beef (63p), a jar of Mayo (35p), Sardines (18p) and Instant custard (11p). To top it all off they even had the token spastic bag packer. Why is it all supermarkets have one? and they all seem to have that one flid hand, you know the one, arm permanently next to the body with the hand in a bone defying 100 degree twist. So why make the poor retard pack your shopping? Don't know about anyone else, but trying to open a supermarket carrier bag is hard enough with two pefectly functioning hands.And then theres the complimentary Down Syndrome girl, who they always put near the door to greet you and hand you a voucher/basket/herpes or what ever. As cool and groovy the supermarket is I dont want to be sprayed with spit by a moon face shouting 'Welcom to Athda thir', dont get me wrong I've known many down syndrome people and they are wonderful, friendly and loving sorts who aren't 'touched in the head' (well not much), but is it right for a store to use them as a disabled trophy to show what kind and caring employers they are?
I've just seen David Blunkett has been forced to resign...I've emailed him Asda's address as I didn't notice any blind people working there. Watching him on the news makes me feel sick, I don't hear a word he says because I'm too busy wonder what his left eye is actually doing and thus making me dizzy. Why the fuk leave his eyeballs in if there useless? I wonder if Tony Blair has ever spoken to him, flicking his fingers at him in a V?

Docherty guff

2005-11-01T09:24:00.000-08:00

Doing my usual tour of Google, I typed in 'an ode to Pete Docherty', amazingly this site ranks 14th, just below the Sunday Mirrors website and just above QPR's website. For those that don't know the ugly cunt wrote the FA Cup song for QPR. On a similar note I have reached the 1000 hit mark in under 2 months, I'm sure some people will laugh at that but I'm happy with it, so a BIG thanks to my Blogger friends that have linked me, notably Skytower and Barnze, please check there blogs out. While I'm at it the less retarded of you out there will see a new blog link, 'Twenty Major', definately check his site out. The bloke pretty much has me laughing out loud on every post.Right, enough boring shite, busy day, windows to replace after I said 'trick' to 23 seventeen year olds last night.

e-gay

2005-10-29T11:23:00.000-07:00

Reading in the news I see 3 Romanians have been convicted of conning £300,000 out of ebay idiots...I mean, I'm no genious but 'wiring' money to a complete stranger? fuk off. Anyone that does it deserves all the get...fukin twats.
But my rant doesn't finish there...I am completely banned from ebay for 3 'direct breaches of terms and conditions'.
First breach was selling VERY used ladies underpants, they were a fukin bargain as they even stood un-aided, they got to £42 before ebay banned it...bollox to the used underwear rule, if some dirty cunt wants to spend cash on some filthy whores pants, who are they to argue? (and yes I did get checked after she left).
Second breach was my Elvis poo, pure talent on my part. It was a dog turd that I carefully sculptured into the head of Elvis, I called it 'Blue Suede Poo's', that didn't even get a bid when ebay barred the sale, so ebay in their twisted wisdom, denied the world of a new art talent...cretins.
Third breach was 'Snot Rocket', sure you can work that beauty out, the canvas cost me a fiver for fuks sake.
All the hassles those cunts have given me and they still send me an email every day saying I owe them £6.13, well ebay...go shove your money up your arse and start catching REAL criminals who use your shite service to con innocent/stupid people...you wankers.

Google

2005-10-28T12:44:00.000-07:00

Well Blogger.com is refusing to upload my furry cup banner so its having a day off.

I like to check where people get referred from to stumble across this site. Had a beauty today from Google, 'Poems by Pete Doherty'. Wonder if the gimp liked it?

Had a look on Google with the same search, got to page 23 before I got sick of seeing the fukin twats name before I gave up, so fuk knows where it is.

By pure co-incidence I saw Rufus yesterday, he growled and spat at me while he was wanking into the canal....Bless him.

Sack the IT Bloke

2005-10-26T15:57:00.000-07:00

Here's some evidence that some 'techies' dont quite think before acting...(all links are safe I promise).

Need to get something off your chest or finally get the bitch sorted out?
www.therapistfinder.com

Want a new pen or a male adult theme park?
www.penisland.net

Need electric in Italy or a good night in on your own?
www.powergenitalia.com
(real site, just need to be a customer to view it)

Wine Bar

2005-10-25T14:59:00.000-07:00

About 5 years ago I worked in one of those hideously expensive wine bars, you know £10 a glass for what I was sent up to Tesco to buy for £2.99 a bottle, and woe betide you if you wanted a bottle of Budwieser. Well 1 day it was just Me and the Manager in....and it was fukin dead. We were sitting at the bar flicking peanuts into a glass when my Manager said to me "We need to do something to get more white collar twats in here, any idea's Dave?".
I thought for a bit and came up with the idea of a pianist, you know like when you see wine bars on the TV. The manager loved the idea and before I even hit bullseye with my next peanut, there was a sign in the window advertising the vacancy.
Two days passed and not one applicant...then the next day in came this short, scruffy bloke, he came up to me and said "I here for the fukin job in the bastard window you cunt". Needless to say I was a bit taken aback with his language, but not be adverse to the odd profanity I told him I'd get my Manager, in he came and he said exactly the same, again my manager was a tad shocked at his language and whilst it didn't really offend him he asked if the bloke could refrain from using such coarse words. "Oh sorry twat, I've got fukin Turrets you wanker", My Manager was quite a cool fella and duely accepted this fact and asked the bloke to 'tickle the Ivory's', well no word of a joke the bloke played the most AMAZING jazz composition we had ever heard.
After our appluads had finished my Boss asked the bloke what he named the tune, "I fist fuked your Dad and inserted spouts in your Moms cunt" was the reply. A little stunned my Boss asked him to play another tune in a different genre, and away he went with a haunting but beautiful classical piece, again AMAZING, and again my Boss asked what that was called, "Fukin die, you wanker, while I drill your cunting eyes out", came the reply. My Boss knew we had to hire such a talent but rightly asked that the pianist didn't talk so as not to offend the customers.
Well that same night, thanks to word quickly getting about we were rammed as 'Rufus' (the pianist) played tune after tune to raptuous applauds. As I was doing my round clearing glasses, this drop dead gorgeous brunette tugged at my arm and asked about 'Rufus', quite rightly noticing his emense talent. Not wanting to disturb her enjoyment I told her he was new and went to walk away, as I did she said she'd catch him at the bar later because she wanted to 'get to know him better'. Off I trotted thinking 'shit he's gonna ruin his chances if he speaks to her'.
Well Rufus finished his playing and I ran over to him QUICK. "Look mate" I said, "Theres a beautiful woman wanting to get to know you better, and I think you could be in luck with her", He looked at me and said "I fukin saw her you cunt, got a right bastard stiffy, keep her talking while I nip to the fukin crapper for a cunting wank"
I kept her talking for 5 minutes wondering if Rufus could bite his tongue and not swear to her, slightly panicking. Then he came out the toilets straight over to us. I hadn't noticed but the Brunette leaned over to him and said "do you know your cock is hanging out and spunk is dripping on your shoe?", "Do I know it? I fukin wrote it you fat, stinking whore" came the reply.

Poem - An Ode to Pete Doherty

2005-10-24T10:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr Doherty,
Im going to be blunt,,
your musics shit and talentless,
you oxygen wasting cunt..

Dear Mr Doherty,
something must be done,
follow Kurt Cobains idea,
and find yourself a gun.

Dear Mr Doherty,
theres something that I hanker,
over-dose on your drugs,
you ugly fukin wanker.

Dear Mr Doherty,
this poems only quick,
please take note of my advice,
and DIE you fukin prick.

9ct Gold and Last Season Trainers

2005-10-22T12:16:00.000-07:00

For the last 18 months I've had to endure knuckle dragging, phlemb spitting, quadruple decker sausage sandwich inhaling neanderthols walking the streets of my locallity. Why? Yes even my area of Birmingham is been blessed with the oh so useful 'out of town' shopping experience. During the 18 months of construction I have had a certain level of excited anticipation, mainly due to the fact I knew Asda was one 'Mega'stores been built. Reality sure burst that bubble...In the haste to be the first store open, we have been treated to a 'Flagship' Matalan. I had no idea what sorts of people shop there, now I know I'm scared, VERY scared. To multiply the horror, there is a Wetherspoons Pub directly opposite(doulble Vodka and mixer £1), so we have swapped the afore mentioned ape men for 50 something, Vodka fuelled, hair rinsed cacklin witches that walk 6/7 abreast on the pavement discussing Coronation Street and the fact the 59 garments they've just bought would have cost them £3 more at whetever fucking shop. I consoled my nightmare by thinking 'new shop, new fuss', so maybe that particular horror will be over soon. THEN I HEARD IT, JJB sports AND an Argos superstore are due next....so to join the vodka fuelled blah blah irritation we have the teenage, golf glove wearing, trackie loving morons buying there 9ct gold tat and adjusting there caps to look as rediculous as possible in any available window...still to come.
And where the fuck is my Asda? I have drawn up plans for my personal tunnel directly to the store.

Guff

2005-10-19T13:42:00.000-07:00

Unfortunate Names :
Olive Smelt (Surviving Jack the Ripper victim).

Peanuts :
Am I the only one that eats all the half nuts first out of a handful?

Shopping Tip :
Poultry is all on offer at supermarkets thanks to bird flu...fill them trollies.

Taxi cards and Pizza menu's :
Why do I get about 500 pushed through my door every week but can never find either when I need a Taxi or a Pizza.

SKY TV :
Go SUCK MY BALLS you useless CUNTS and learn to bill your customers correctly.

Bright Yellow Cars :
Fuck off...especially when there parked right outside my house and distracts me from watch my TV.

Taliban

2005-10-18T14:35:00.000-07:00

Well it made me laugh Taliban Reunited.

Beef Curtains

2005-10-17T11:38:00.000-07:00

I was listening to Five Live over the weekend and heard that thousands upon thousands of food packs sent to Hurricane Katrina victims from the UK were destroyed because they contained prime British Beef. Oh no, the beef wasn't just removed...the whole fucking lot was destroyed....Makes you fucking wonder why we bother with the ungrateful cunts that make up the American government. On a much lighter note Villa 1 0 Birmingham city!!

"Cassandra"

2005-10-15T12:31:00.000-07:00

I found this on the BBC news website. 1) Why couldn't my teachers have been capable of that, 2) How the fuck was it discovered (some shagless father) and 3) If it was discovered by a parent it takes some hypocritical balls to raise the alarm. On a totally different subject its Aston Villa vs. Birmingham tomorrow (football/soccer to anyone female or foreign).....COME ON YOU VILLIANS...must be our time to thrash the blue nose cunts.

A Milestone

2005-10-14T12:05:00.000-07:00

I'm a tad chuffed...if you type 'furry cup' in google(.co.uk) this site comes in 3rd out of 736,000 results....have iiiiiiitttt

No Smoke Without Fire

2005-10-13T13:46:00.000-07:00

I smoke cigarettes, so I may be bias here...But again smoking in public has hit the news, the government is due to debate a FULL ban on smoking in public...What the fuck? As a human, I have a right to do what I want, of course, I accept ALL consequences of what I do, i.e. I murder someone, I go to jail, I smoke cigarettes I may get cancer etc etc, I FUCKING KNOW THAT. So am I going to be denied a human right? Surely if its against human rights to deny prisoners a vote, then as a decent member of the community I can do what I like. Now I agree with a ban in restaurants (I would never smoke while people eat), part of me agrees with a ban in SOME pubs and bars, but a ban anywhere outside your own home? How fucking rediculous...just a thought...smoking on public transport is banned, how many of you have been choked by a massive cloud of burning diesel?

Well I Think I'm Funny

2005-10-13T10:15:00.000-07:00

I was looking for a new direction in life and a new job, I was going to be a fortune teller but couldn't see any future in it.

CHAV

2005-10-11T12:09:00.000-07:00

Any of my avid readers who aren't from the UK will not know what a 'chav' is...this video gives a perfect example.... http://fat-pie.tunnicliphotos.com/devoxmas.wmv
Enjoy, and if your not from the UK, bless the lucky stars YOU dont have to endure these cunts.

ITS A GIRL!!!!

2005-10-10T18:05:00.000-07:00

Massive congratulations to my extremely good friends, Neil and Claire, who are over the moon with the birth of there first child (together), A beautiful bouncing baby girl they have name Ashleigh. She came in at a healthy 7lb 12 oz at 4.47pm yesterday afternoon....oh shit, theres another brat to buy for at Christmas.

Ahem

2005-10-10T13:04:00.000-07:00

Watching the News over the weekend and seeing yet another wave of police raids on bomb toting, deranged terror suspects, I couldn't help but raise a smile over a family dinner comment made by my lovely Gran a few weeks ago on the topic of these police swoops, she was quite rightly impressed at the actions of the UK anti-terror intelligence, but she was perplexed and slightly annoyed that the July the 7th SUICIDE bombers haven't yet been arrested..........

Pure Genious Part 2

2005-10-08T12:56:00.000-07:00

Now we all know what mad and crazy ideas people make fortunes with on the internet e.g ebay, milliondollarsite etc etc.....Now this site has the right idea, after all does money really make you happy? check this out....Genious.....
beer

Where did that Melon come from?

2005-10-08T10:56:00.000-07:00

OMFG it Saturday morning and I'm watching kids TV which is pure fucking genious, well to be fair its one bit of a 2 and a half hour show. Basically its a game filmed undercover in a supermarket, the point of the game is to deposit extra pieces of shopping in unsuspecting, other shoppers trollies without them noticing. Now I know that seems very easy but obviously its more fun to have to distract the 'victim'. The result is fucking funny, but reading back what I've just typed, I realise its one of those 'you have to see it for yourself' kinda thing. So if your in the UK, check it out (cheap pun there). ITV1 Ministry of Mayhem. Off to Tesco's.........

Google

2005-10-07T12:44:00.000-07:00

Right, I have a mate with a blog, and he's done something I want to try and beat (well more like equal)... If you were to type 'B & Q customer servives' (a massive DIY store in the UK) his site comes up 3rd in a Google search...only behind B & Q's, the stores webite itself...any suggestions on a word, phrase, or company name I could have a go for? oh and by the way, click the D4D link in the right hand column to see his site.

Heres One for Bush

2005-10-07T12:20:00.000-07:00

Trawling through the old Internet I came across this gem...www.jesusdressup.com ...exactly what it says on the tin!

So a War in the East is Worth Two in a Bush

2005-10-06T23:15:00.000-07:00

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, been a while to post again I know....The madness round my end has kind of dried my 'creative' talents up...Till President Bush came along. Soooo God told Bush to invade Iraq eh?...So who's 'holy' war is this? I do beleive Bush denownced Muslims for declaring a 'holy war'(the quote iludes me), and now, as a Christian, he declares 'God' came to him and told him to invade Iraq...I'm off to bed soon but I hope 'God' comes to me while I'm sleeping and tells me to rob the Royal Mint then get applauded by half the world for getting clean away with millions of pounds while I leave my best mates to be shot by the security guards...Think about it.

2005-10-01T18:26:00.000-07:00

Well....been a while since my last post, been very hectic round mine, but my silence can be explained. My Girlfriend and I have taken the descision to go our seperate ways, I don't want anyone to think I'm publicising the fact for any other reason than this is MY blog, and surely this is what there for. I now sit alone, with an empty heart, not knowing what I do now. To top this all off I have an appointment with the ' Anchor Project' on Monday (alcohol rehab people) , so generally I'm feeling shit....but I got my life on a plate, just need to go eat off it.... anyone got a knife and fork?
***Update***
For anyone who is interested me and the girl are giving it one last shot...This came about after having to sit for hours upon end together cos the 'brat' ended up been rushed to hospital with suspected apendictus (shes ok and escaped the op).

I'm Still Here

2005-09-25T16:59:00.000-07:00

Well Blogger.com has decided not to allow me to type for the last few days but looks like its allowing me to ramble on again! Birthday was wicked thanks to a joint effort from my Folks, Missus and big Brother. Ended up Pissed (enevitable) at a comedy night...before knowing it I was the 'heckler' thanks to it been announced by the Missus it was my Birthday to the compare, so I gave as good as I got. Now, that IS a bad thing if I'm on form...It culminated in me making the second act walk off stage much to the derision and laughter of my fellow audience...Better luck next time TWAT, if you dare to even go near a stage again. Oh and ditch the 'hilarious' flowery shirt....you look gay.

Tattoo 2

2005-09-24T11:42:00.000-07:00

Life and That

2005-09-21T17:09:00.000-07:00

OK...life has been mad around here the last week hence no post's....dont look like I've been missed but like I care, it my birthday tomorrow, dont even know what thats going to entale but, lifes a journey, and I'm here for the end of the ride.....I've got my seat belt on atleast.

Money making Poppycock

2005-09-18T17:23:00.000-07:00

I saw this in Clinton cards...October the 14th is apparently 'National Bosses Day'. Now I don't work at the moment but I was still compelled to look for the card that said 'Happy Bosses Day...you miserable slave driving, old, fat, rancid breathed, dickless cunt'. Needless to say it wasn't to be seen...but hey if this crap catches on...I think I'm sitting on a gold mine with the idea.

Stella

2005-09-16T13:12:00.000-07:00

I decided to set my blog aside from the average and get sponsorship of any sorts from the company that brew the elixior of life.....Stella Artios. I sent a very simple email, and here is the reply.

Dear Dave
Thank you for your recent sponsorship proposal requesting the possibility ofInBev UK aiding you with support.Whilst reading your email with great interest, it is with great regret that we were unable to consider your proposal any further as we are completely committed to our budgets for the forthcoming year.May I take this opportunity of thanking you for the interest you have shownin InBev UK and wish you every success.Thank you once again for contacting InBev UK Ltd.Regards Consumer Services InBev UK

lol....was worth a go.

The Great Gargoyle Dilema

2005-09-15T16:51:00.000-07:00

I don't know what to do...A house further up in my row is blazened with tacky, naff, flourescent plastic flowers in its front yard. Hidden amogst all the 80's, retina burning shite is one of the most beautiful gargoyle I've ever seen...Notre Dame would be jealous, seriously. Do I take it and give it a rightful home? Please help, do I acquire it or not......after all stealing is wrong, gargoyles are right.....and a tenious link I can't resist...missus tattoo she had today is posted in the pics bit...she ain't a gargoyle really....

***UPDATE***16/09/05

I don't fucking believe it...just walked past the afore mentioned property. And its gone. Not only the gargoyle but the plastic flowers too, to add insult to injury its been replaced by a tatty old traffic cone.....Bugger.

Good Old Bill

2005-09-15T08:55:00.000-07:00

At a recent computer exposition, Bill Gates ALLEGEDLY compared Microsoft with the car industry and stated "If General Motors had kept up with the technology like the Microsoft has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon".

That got your me wondering what if Microsoft made a car……What would it be like? Here’s my conclusion :

1 - For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2 - Every time they repainted the lines in the road you would have to buy a new car.
3 - Occasionally your car would die on the motorway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it and open all the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4 - Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left hand turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5 - Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would only run on five percent of the roads.
6 - The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "General Protection fault" warning light.
7 - The airbag would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8 - Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9 - Every time they introduced a new car, buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10 - You would have to press the 'start' button to turn the engine off.

Tattoo

2005-09-13T15:52:00.000-07:00

I suppose the title of todays entry and the pic says its all, but this is what I had done today...obviously its not finished, I'll keep the pics updated as I go...and YES, tattoo's DO hurt.

The Weekend

2005-09-12T13:01:00.000-07:00

Well the weekend is over and the tractors have gone...The final match of the ashes is on and I'm here all on my tod again, and I'm fucking loving it. All I'm going to say at the mo is don't challenge me to a game of pool...I now have my own cue and shit I'm good....Ha, going to go scout a few news stories to see what I can comment on today.....

Yesterday

2005-09-11T12:00:00.000-07:00

Apologies for not posting yesterday but I have half of Somerset staying at my house. The tractors are clogging up the street outside, corn chewing is rife and theres plenty of talk of next years crop. oooooo ahhhhhh my lurrrrrvlies.

Blogs

2005-09-09T14:19:00.000-07:00

Now I am new to this blogging stuff so I decided to look at some others......as I log into this, blogger .com kindly have a section called 'recent blogs that caught our eye'........caught your eye how?......Because there mind numbingly, retard attracting pieces of complete and utter fucking drivel? Let alone a complete lack of talent, imagination or thought in the page design sheesh.........

Cricket

2005-09-08T20:59:00.000-07:00

I wasn't going to comment on the ashes just yet as its only the first day of play....But fuck me I'd like to beat Adam Gilchrist (the Australian wicket keeper) seven shades of shit....every fucking time england don't score a 4 or 6 we have to endure the irritating, whingy Aussie cunt shouting "NOOOOICE WAN SHANNNEEEEEEYYYYYYYYY"......DIE 'Gilly'....and painfully.....any readers have good connections to the Triads or the Mafia?....I can start a charity fund raiser.

Cyber Wars

2005-09-07T09:38:00.000-07:00

An email dropped into my box this morning, nowt unusual about that I know, but the contents were highly unusual....the title was 'Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer Vowed to "KILL" Google'. Needless to say I read on and heres the content....
Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer vowed to "kill" Google in anexpletitive-laced, chair-throwing tirade when a senior engineer told him he was leaving the company to go work for Google.....................

..............Blah Blah fucking Blaaaaah......

***UPDATE***

Just read this full post I did yesterday........and Jesus H Christ it was boring, may I apologise to any visitor that decided to watch real boring shit instead....like England playing football.

I PROMISE IT WONT HAPPEN AGAIN.

Snotty Noses and Silly Ties

2005-09-06T21:27:00.000-07:00

Well Blogger.com fucked me off earlier....took an hour perfecting my blog only for the server to fail and my hard work be lost, so this is a shortened version. First day of 'the brat' going to senior school...got off the bus near her school to come face to face with 'Twatina' and 'Shitwana', two young 'ladies', 'boks' on there feet, gum in there gob, dodging the menthol Richmond between there lips, in the same uniform as 'the brat', we walked towards the school to the chorus of 'whateveeeeeeeer' aimed at the hooded 'bwoi' in the same uniform on the opposite side of the road.......NICE TOUCH.
To cut along story short, after sorting out 'the brat' and making sure the school worked out she really was meant to be there....we were given a school prospectus containing a picture of the head master with 'prick' penned in with an arrow pointing to the balding academic....
Now all this looks bad I know, but nooooo her 5 years of inprisonment is my 5 years of freedom...just hope she don't bump into shitwana or twatina in the playground.

Oh and one last thing 'the brat' looks so so smart in her uniform....the smartest 7th year pupil we saw....and yes I'm proud.

ERM.......Pink Cat

2005-09-05T22:09:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not I found this on the BBC news website.....Brumas, a white cat came home after his days mice catching and arse licking on sunny roofs with a pink tinge to his fur...Heres what the BBC reporter came back with after interviewing the owners.....

Mrs Worth said: "He was pink - Barbie pink. His head, ears and right down his body, although not underneath, had gone a quite brilliant pink.
"We went to the vet on Saturday, but they couldn't find any reason for it, although they decided it wasn't toxic, which was what I was worried about."

"We have no clue where he was that could have caused this to happen."

This is truely unbelievable......not the cat going pink, but for one, do the BBC think we give one flying fuck about 1 cat in Cornwall and two, don't the BBC reporters have better things than this drivel to bore us with.....oh yeah, so they can....millions homeless, thousands dead after the Hurricane in America. Is this shit meant to make us feel better when we have important stuff to mind numb ourselves with?

Ahhhh and by the way for all you squares reading this....the cat going pink was due to a school boy prank I was guilty for many atime on ANY white animal.....food colouring....what a fucking genious I am for working that out.

2005-09-05T21:07:00.000-07:00

Well here we are....America at her knee's due to Katrina, Al Queda trying to blow up the west and a Bi-weekly magazine I REALLY want thats £5.99 a fortnight.....I know what I care about.
Call me a bastard but we've all got to go sometime....but my magazine isn't going to be about again....each mag comes with a HAND PAINTED lead figure of super heroes or super villians....wonder what catorgory President Bush comes under. Well most people think I'm a c**t (I won't use that word on my first post), but I don't give a shit...this is my space, my views and my blog....If you don't like it.....errr.....Fuck off.